That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
