Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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