I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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