So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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