I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
