People with herpes should wear stickers.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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