May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
