Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i need some magic done to my vagina
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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