She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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