is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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