Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize