I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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