dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
