Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
