Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
