Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There r osticjed everywhere
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
