i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
