you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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