dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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