Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
