this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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