You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
