Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
