Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
