marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
