tonight lets celebrate not being married
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
