she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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