Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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