We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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