Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
someone owes me an orgasm
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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