I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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