i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
