i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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