You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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