HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
