I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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