I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
