apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
