Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.

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  (301): Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto. http://tfl.nu/y1gd
  Replies (30) Good night (3952) Bad night (923)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid

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  (630): I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid http://tfl.nu/l9sh
  Replies (10) Good night (2957) Bad night (1277)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer

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  (703): Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer http://tfl.nu/3upq
  Replies (42) Good night (3756) Bad night (1103)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce

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  (603): Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce http://tfl.nu/x8zt
  Replies (11) Good night (3768) Bad night (1239)
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  (707): View more from California

  She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.

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  (707): She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her. http://tfl.nu/yn7x
  Replies (15) Good night (5185) Bad night (1885)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..

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  (781): You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/rd8s
  Replies (4) Good night (2586) Bad night (1443)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  ......... Poor kitty

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  (208): I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl." (1-208): Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating. (208): ......... Poor kitty http://tfl.nu/dw0s
  Replies (9) Good night (1259) Bad night (2060)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.

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  (773): Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days. http://tfl.nu/hblx
  Replies (6) Good night (1203) Bad night (585)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.

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  (207): Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm. http://tfl.nu/a20h
  Replies (9) Good night (1857) Bad night (763)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.

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  (612): And the cockring thing wasn't sexual. http://tfl.nu/ceb9
  Replies (19) Good night (430) Bad night (795)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.

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  (250): By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so. http://tfl.nu/m028
  Replies (0) Good night (793) Bad night (337)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger

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  (913): My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger http://tfl.nu/nsuk
  Replies (2) Good night (740) Bad night (368)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me

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  (647): Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me http://tfl.nu/giau
  Replies (3) Good night (611) Bad night (347)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  And then my night got REAL pukey

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  (305): And then my night got REAL pukey http://tfl.nu/gzlf
  Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (588)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.

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  (216): Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral. http://tfl.nu/blqw
  Replies (0) Good night (404) Bad night (273)

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