Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo