I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.