ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga