I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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