I want to make a zoo with you.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
