so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
