At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
