did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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