My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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