There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
