Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
