are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The air taste purple.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
