What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
