The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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