I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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