Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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