Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
