Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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