dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
