Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
