after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
