i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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