How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
