i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
