Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
