Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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