My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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