they need to just BURY HIM!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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