We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize
