Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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