doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
